Men are Bombarded with Age-Fighting Boosters
By Tom Anselm
I have some rather serious news for those of us in the Baby Boomer Generation. Actually, it also applies to our elders as well. This news comes to us more as a whimper than a bang, which may be unfortunate, since some of us may be experiencing slight hearing loss.
But that is not the news. And it’s not just one piece of news, but whole bunches of news. (Interesting how the word “news” can be both singular and plural, eh?) And about now you are probably saying… “Get to the point, already!” Okay, so here we go.
Chances are, if you’ve never dunked a basketball, you never will. There’s more to this than simply slam-dunking and hanging from the rim, however. This one just stands out as March Madness is history. What I’m getting at here is the inevitable decline of the human body.
I never had dunking on my personal bucket list, standing a hulking 5’10” in shoes standing up straight. So that one doesn’t matter to me. Besides I try to walk on “the sunny side of the street” rather than troll in “the Valley of the Shadow of Death”, and my glass is of the half-full variety, especially if filled with a local brewers product. And did you ever wonder why there isn’t a “Pessimist Club”, only “Optimists?” There are just some things we can’t change, is what I’m saying.
This is a really long lead-in to that discussion on aging I promised some 90 words ago, and how our society is dealing with this issue. When I look around at the commercials and magazine ads, I get the distinct impression that aging is bad. I mean, one should almost be ashamed these days if their hair is grey, face too wrinkled, skin too flabby in certain middle-regions, or their love life is on a down-turn.
We are led to believe that today’s all-natural products are the answer to reversing the natural process, as much as that seems to be a contradiction in terms. Why, “aging in place” has become the new mantra, going neither forward nor backward, similar to those runners who jog in place at intersections while waiting for the light to change (cracks me up every time I see that!)
One of the more prominent ad campaigns out there has as its target the aging male. “Trouble in the ‘love department’? Have we got the pill/gel/compound/underarm roll-on for you, sailor! Testosterone a bit low on the dipstick? No problemo, pal. Just take (insert product name here, which I won’t, in fear of lawsuit), and it will boost your “low T” up to where you were ten years ago!” Now for me, that’s only into the mid-50s, so not so sure that’s such a big deal. But you get the idea. Stay with me. I’m getting to the point.
A man peaks in his physical attributes in his 20s. And this decade of the 20s just so happens to coincide with the “having kids” period. Good timing, I say. After the mid-30s, testosterone production begins to level off. At the same time, a man starts to pudge out a bit, loses some head hair even as it sprouts in unwanted places, can’t run as fast, jump as high, no more leaping tall buildings in a single bound.
This is all part of the Master Plan set up by The Big Personal Trainer in the Sky. My fear is that as the medicine/supplement/surgery-obsessed society that we are continues to mess with this natural decline, men may see unintended negative consequences in the next few decades. I mean, listen to this.
One of the “T-booster” products warns the user to keep the substance away from contact with children and women, since accidental exposure could cause early-onset of puberty in the former and unwanted hair growth in the latter. That can hardly be a good thing, dontcha think? And with probable prostate problems in nearly every aging male’s future, this issue may be exacerbated in those who have imbibed/rubbed/rolled-on these allegedly-safe testosterone-laced remedies.
As you may have guessed, no such solvents grace my medicine cabinet. I am resolved to let nature have it’s way with me. Oh, sure, I’ll try to eat right and exercise and take my Gummy Bears for Adults like a good little Tommy. Besides, I just can’t imagine the sight of lovely wife Jill with a mustache (Tom welcomes comments at firstname.lastname@example.org)
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